This week we were saddened by the recent death of the beloved step son of a dear friend. The following two poems were inspired by the grief experienced by his parents.
In Honor Of
Stop the clocks,
Halt the traffic,
Hush the prattling crowds,
And shroud the sun.
A young man has died.
My mind desperate to reconcile
the paradox of a child preceding its elder.
The metered beat of my heart seizes,
My breath unnecessary, as time suspends its forward march.
The mantle of grief laid unwelcome across my shoulders,
It’s leaden weight, dulling thought, but not throbbing waves of anguish.
Strike a bargain,
Wind back the hours,
Reset the stars,
That I can look into young eyes, and see the crinkled laughter,
That we can share a hug and indelibly imprint the loving moment to memory,
That I can advise him to take the right path instead of left and thereby cheat fate.
A young man has died.
Before my heart is willing to beat again,
Before I draw an unfettered breath,
The river of time resumes its course,
Sweeping people unheeding past me.
I watch them and wonder,
Don’t they know?
A young man has died.
The Journey of Grief
I am a reluctant traveller,
This is not a journey I’ve chosen.
I sit by the road side,
Waiting loyally, like a dog that has lost it’s master.
Exhausted, and uncertain about what to do next,
Time remains suspended.
Loath to take that first step that signifies moving on.
Somehow living seems disloyal.
I sit in the netherworld between living and dying and wait,
for understanding to come,
for healing,
for a miracle.
Friends gather and sit a while,
I am lonely in my grief, but not alone,
But eventually my companions are called to their own lives.
“If you need anything . . . call.”
But I have no energy for calling.
I sigh, realizing it is the first breath in too long,
I notice the sun has come up again,
And the seasons have changed.
Sighing again I struggle to a wavering stand.
Friends breathe their own sigh of relief.
I’m moving again,
But that’s different from living.
For now I am making “as if”,
At least it makes them feel better.
One step, then another.
The days go by,
I am hollow and insubstantial.
A black and white figure in a world of color.
And then one day it happens,
Just once and fleeting.
I smile,
A genuine one, that I feel inside,
Not forced for appearances sake.
I have taken a tentative step back into life.
The journey is not all forward.
I often wander head down and aimless,
Some days stumbling on steep pitches,
And on others, friends appear unexpected to steady me.
Eventually I pause at a viewpoint,
And looking back, marvel at my progress.
It has been an arduous journey,
But as I come to the end of this detour,
I realize I have learned much.
I have come to terms,
I am stronger, wiser,
And yes, happy again.
I have laid down the burden of grief,
To find solace in my memories.
I have learned to welcome life once more,
Each day I live joyfully is a tribute to my loved one lost,
And a lesson to those that remain.
AnnaMuse Journal 